Each of us has a unique design for arousal and sexual connection, and yours is far from “freakish”. Try to be accepting of your normative interest, and avoid objectifying the people you like so much. Your self-description as a “disgusting freak” is way off, and suggests that it may be worth investigating your own relationship with weight and body image. Despite the current fashion for preferring well-toned men, there are plenty of fleshier men around who would love to know that you desired them. It occurs in many forms, with a great deal of cultural variation, and is usually the result of tastes and triggers that begin to form quite normally in childhood.
